I recognize you...

I recognize you I know you I have seen you before I have experienced your mayhem too many times I don't like you I can't stand you I don't want you around!!!!! GO AWAY!!!  JUST GO AWAY!!! My enemy knows when I am not 100%, he has studied me my whole life and knows there is an opening when I don't feel the greatest.  Recovering from surgery, he knows and he has been waiting for this very moment to attack my brain! Just this morning alone, I have cried over my mothering skills, being lonely, feeling unloved, missing my husband, though he is right here in the house with me.  Feeling useless because I am not serving and doing and cleaning.  Feeling weak and just plain flat-out sad.  I can't even yell while watching my Bengals play football!!!  This is equivalent to that postpartum depression crap I had after both our boys were born. I HATE IT AND I AM DONE WITH IT!! D O N E!!! You, my enemy are not welcome here!  You have had your fun...GO-ON-NOW-GIT! The truth of the words I wrote above......"he has been waiting for this very moment" just hit me like a big dang truck!  I was 100% before surgery - secure, rooted, no doubts, sound mind (up for debate), surrounded by prayer warriors and stuck in the Word!  He knew that I would be feeling like yuck, that my mind would be fuzzy and my body weak and that I would be down.  I can just imagine in my mind, the excitement of the demons surrounding me, the patient evil planning and laughing at my expense! Isn't it a roller coaster?  Life?  Even our walk with Christ is a roller coaster isn't it? That makes me sad and disappointed in myself, but at the same time, I am ever so thankful that my God is always here, always consistent, always my everything! Mental illness, anxiety, depression....they are very real battles, the enemy's favorite place to attack!    Please be encouraged, that there is power and healing in Christ!  Years ago, I was a medicated mess.  Praise God, He healed me of that, He took that battle away from me! The current mental place I have been the last few days, reminded me way tooooo much of that place and that He was faithful to heal me of and I never want to go visit that darkness again! So I will abide, I will remain, I will find my refuge in Jesus for He is mighty to save!!