I am so excited to share with you what one of my sisters wrote for our Women's Ministry Newsletter! She is one of the wisest women I know, and she's a fantastic human - I wish you could know her too! I hope you enjoy her wise words as much as I did! ******************************************************************************************** First of all, I will start by saying that although we appear absolutely flawless on social media, we are imperfect individuals with messy lives and past baggage. Yet, we have unrealistic expectation of others. We frequently fail to communicate our wants, needs and feelings. We just expect others to know them! We walk around with our "feelings on our shoulders" and wait for a victim to cross the line. Do we really do this as Christians? I can only speak for me! I’m absolutely the #1 culprit of this behavior and take prisoners on a regular basis. That’s why I chose this topic. Why are we so uptight and easily offended? We are the most blessed nation in the world but we are constant complainers. Always anxious! Never content! Ungrateful! I have a tendency to take on too many tasks in my personal and professional life. Then I play the martyr to solicit attention and sympathy and get offended that no one is helping me. I run wide open having little patience or tolerance for service that is substandard (by my preconceived standards, of course). I often start my day with little annoyances instead of prayer and gratitude. “Why is that driver in front of me so slow? Please find your gas pedal man!” (Honk! Honk!) “The light just turned green! Pay attention! Go!” (Honk! Honk! Honk!) “She forgot to give me a straw in the drive-thru. What a moron?” Little nuisances throughout my day often lead to bigger offenses. I’m offended if I pass a coworker in the hallway and she doesn’t speak to me. (Mind you, I didn’t speak to her either.) Two office coworkers go to lunch together and they don’t ask me. (Mind you, I have turned them down everyday for the past year but they should at least ask every single time; right?) I did most of the work but she got all the credit. The comment that was made was directed toward me. My name wasn’t mentioned but I know when I’ve been insulted. Lastly, there are offenses that turn into ugly bitterness and resentment. This one is less applicable to me on a personal level as I do not usually hang on to offenses for long periods of time, however, I have often been the victim on the receiving end. A good friend once asked me to babysit her child for a week-long Caribbean vacation that she and her husband had planned months in advance. I was very excited for them and happy to babysit but forgot to write it in my calendar. The date came and went and she never reminded me. She choose to get offended instead and made other arrangements for her child. Meanwhile, I called and texted as usual but she wouldn’t respond. I was very hurt as this had been my life-long friend. We grew up and went to church and school in the same neighborhood and had been inseparable besties. God had put her in my life and I loved and valued our friendship. I had no idea how I had offended her. The disconnect lasted for months before she let go of it. When we finally talked both of us shared that during that time of disconnect, we needed each other for support and the prayer partnership that we always depended on. We cried and hugged and had regret that we had taken for granted the special person God had placed in each of our lives over something so small and insignificant. What about the weight of offense? I recently attended a 4-day work retreat at a lodge in the mountains. At check-in, each of us was given a rock with instructions attached: CARRY THIS ROCK ON YOUR BODY FOR THE DURATION OF THE RETREAT. TAKE IT TO CLASS, EAT WITH IT, SHOWER WITH IT, GO TO SLEEP WITH IT AND WAKE UP WITH IT EVERY MORNING. Participants carried the “stupid rock” in various places on their person: bra, shirt pockets, shorts and even in shoes. By day 2, I was fed up with it and secretly tossed it in my suit case. It was irritating in my pocket and the weight was constantly tugging at the waistline of my pants. Some dedicated peers toughed it out and held onto their rocks everyday for the whole 4 days, ensuring they never departed with it. They kept it up but constantly complained about where and how to carry it and how burdensome it was. The finality of the retreat came and we were about to find out the rationale for this ridiculous exercise. As the instructor made the announcement I panicked. Remember, I previously told you that I had tossed the rock in my suitcase on day 2. Now as it was our last day I had already packed up my car. No way could I quickly get to that stupid rock. As the instructor asked for everyone to stretch out their hand with their rock in palm, I was very embarrassed as I stretched out an empty hand. People all around me were sneering and giggling as they realized I had not followed directions and carried the stupid rock on my body everywhere I went for the past 96 hours. I was the only one minus a rock in my palm and my face was blushing red with embarrassment. Then of course, the instructor would single me out with inquiry about my rock. I hung my head shamefully and admitted I ditched it on the second day. Then I mumbled an explanation of how the weight was “pulling my pants down.” The group was snickering even more. Finally the instructor burst into laughter and screamed “I’m so proud of you, Liz!” I was shocked at her response and while I had no idea why this pleased her, I was feeling a little better about my decision. Here’s the irony! The rock represented offenses! We pick them up easily because we think we should or because someone tells us we should. We carry them throughout our daily routines 24 hours a day x 7 days a week. We even carry them to bed and sleep on them making it difficult to rest. They get heavier and heavier and weigh us down. They are so annoying and interfere with our joy; yet we tolerate and even nurture them. We refuse to lay them down. They become part of who we are; our identity! Proverbs 19:11 tells us that good sense makes one slow to anger and it is our glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 18:19 tells us that a brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle. Wow! Does this mean that holding onto offenses make us unwise, incapable of being fruitful, joyless and a prisoner of our own making? The only sinless person who walked this earth and who had EVERY RIGHT to be offended, gave up everything He had to offer, for His offenders! He gave His own life for His offenders! He didn’t die with a rock in his hand. He died with a Cross on His back begging forgiveness and mercy for ALL HIS OFFENDERS! As followers of Christ, we have no right to live offended! Throw away the rocks! Love in Christ, Liz
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